10/10/2020

     This is my first blog post on this subject and it will be a bit long. August the 21st of this year was the day my mother-in-law finally decided to make her final attack on me. She has hated me for quite some time now and I have little idea as to why. she loves to tell me what to do, demands different things of me, and shows no love towards me. All of the while, I avoid her so not to provoke a fight (really bad), I keep my eyes down and mouth shut (really bad), and generally don't talk to her because every time I do, we fight. This was the perfect recipe to get the boot and have no place to call home anymore.

     Well, that was just a little on how it happened. Communication with her was not possible and avoiding communication was much the same. I spent about a week with my aunt. It was rough. She is a great person but a bit taxing to live with where she knows exactly how she wants to live and is eccentric compared to others. We bickered a bit but the moment she told me to go without my cane around the house was enough to send me out. I will not run the risk of breaking my hips just to appease her. I left with nowhere to go. With about a week with my aunt and two weeks in my wife's car, I finally made my way back to my mother's home. She took me in and is where I currently am. I know that we had a falling out before but we made up. My U.O. Step-father is dying of kidney and liver problems while my mom gets next to no sleep where she is worried about him. I help out where I can but I am still without a bank account and that is forcing my book to be put on hold. My New Year's Resolution for 2020 was to get my book(s) published this year. This was my year to change my life and that of my family...well, it changed alright. I am away from my wife, son, arguing with my mother-in-law, my mother is going crazy, and my step-father is dying. My work is dead while I try to, once again, get disability because I am unable to work a typical job. My YouTube channel is more or less dead. I am still coming up with story ideas because I am NOT giving up on my dream to write. I have looked around for possible homes but to no avail. My step-father offered a plot of land but finding a trailer or other such mobile home to put on it is not going well. I will get back into doing everything as before as soon as I can and sorry to all those interested in any and all of my work.

I will be back as soon as I can.

More to come soon.

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10/10/2020 Continuation

     Back to the day it happened. My first day involved getting out and hiding from my mother-in-law so my wife could see if she was still THAT upset or if she had simmered down a bit...spoilers, she was still just as mad as ever.

     The Fight: I walked out to the car to head up town and pick up my medication from the pharmacy. I walked in between my mother-in-law and the car door and said, "Excuse me, please." She ignored me and continued making demands, in which she says that it is asking her to do things. This is how I feel that it sounds anyway. I went to get comfortable and resituate the door. The door move with my hand on it and I go to catch the door as it jerked backwards against my hold. Just out of reflex, I jerked. I looked up after I jerked against the jerking and there was a livid old-lady holding the door. I went to apologize for pulling it but she jumped in my face with a fury of blows that connected with just my forearms. I rolled my eyes at her childish behavior and grabbed her hand to try and get her to stop. She was screaming and I had no idea what she was even saying until she said this, "I'll ki...ow ow ow!" She pulled back to throw a hard strike but she hurt her thumb as she pulled back. I held on to her right thumb as she pulled back. I let go upon hearing "Ow!" She demanded me to never come back or she would call the police on me. Call the police on me for what? I had no idea and still don't to this day on what she was yelling about. I went to town, bought food for my family, got my meds, and walked off to think for a while. When we came home, I had to hide. I visited our neighbor for a while until after my mother-in-law fell asleep. My wife came to get me and that is the first night I slept in the car. I went up town before that for a second time to ask my aunt if I could spend the night there...she was asleep on her couch and would not budge. We went home and found out what it was like to sleep in the front seat of a car. It wasn't too bad besides the pain in my back and hips. That is when I wrote my first journal entry.

     That first day after being kicked out was stressful but my aunt took me in. It turns out that she wasn't asleep on the couch but was having health problems I didn't now about. If I had known, I would have called for an ambulance. She was okay the next day, thank God. My wife left our food we had purchased with me to eat while we figured out, "What next?"

     From the 22nd to the 26th, I stayed with my aunt. We spent time eating, watching TV, and catching up with old times. She is an avid movie watcher and knows some of the best movies to watch. She was also the first person in my family to give me feedback on my stories, specifically "One Baby, Two Cries." It wasn't long but I couldn't stay there with her for long any way as she lived in some apartments that had rules for visitors spending time there. It was hard to live with her because she had her own system that rivaled my own. Wise words, "Two families can't live under the same roof." My aunt wasn't bad nor am I mad at her. I still love her and hope to get back with her to watch some more movies sometime. She even gave me an idea for a new story, a sequel to "One Baby, Two Cries." Mostly I left because my cane scared her cat and wouldn't come out to eat and her idea was that I wouldn't fall if I left my cane at the door. I knew this was impossible because of several different problems she doesn't know enough about to know how I fall so I left. I am still very thankful for her letting me stay there for a while. Love you, Red!

     The 26th is when I decided to make up with my mom as I spent the second and final night in my wife's car. I had been wanting to make up with her on my own terms for a while; I just didn't want it to happen where I sounded like I was just doing it out of desperation for a home. I did want to make up with her. She happily took me in and I have been helping out here since. It feels like old-school home to me with a few changes. My mom had a boyfriend, might as well had been married to him honestly. I had been married longer than mom and her boyfriend had been together so I never had the chance to get to know him better. He stands up for me, respects me, and even opens up to me. I can happily say that he is a great step-dad.

     From here on was a big-eyed time. That's what my mom calls it anyway. Between catching up and watching TV, we were getting used to the idea that this is my new home for now. Of course, I came up here just in time. My step-father is dying and is trying to get his health under control. My mom doesn't sleep because she is so worried about him and I don't blame her. My father passed away from the same thing that he is dying from now. I help both of them however I can and they have helped me. I am very thankful to both of them.  I have also been working hard to keep my wife as stress-free as possible and let her take care of things with her mother while I live away from my wife and son...it will be hard to forgive my mother-in-law for this but I will if for no other reason than to keep myself sane. I don't like living in hate with or for anyone. I will not let her hurt my family again after we straighten this whole mess up. Only one time for 3-5 hours, I was lost with nowhere to go. I also had to go to the E.R. over a potential heat stroke during this time. 

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Of course, that will be the end of this blog and the beginning of a new blog. Of course, I hope to do vlogs by then. I enjoy writing so I might do both...who knows. 

This is the end of this one for now. More to come later.

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10/17/20

My step-dad had to go to the E.R. back a few days ago and he finally came back yesterday and he is doing better. My uncle had to go to the E.R. the day before yesterday over septic shock and I haven't heard how he is doing either. My mom once said, "The dead is killing me." and I will carry that saying on too but for me right now, "The dying and the dead are going to be the death of me...or my sanity." I had to put my doctor's appointments on hold to take care of my mom and step-dad. I hope my doctors don't hold it against me.

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I have been doing research for more stories and works of non-fiction so I have more work to do when I get back to my computer. I am using my wife's tablet right now. I also hate not having a cellphone that works back here in the hills. My wife's cell get effectively zero connection with anything so I can't use it to log into some of my accounts. I even had to give up creating an Imgur account recently too. Why does every other site require a cellphone to log into it? Not everyone has a cell and some cells don't connect because of the lace of towers in the area. Stop making it a requirement to need a cell, dagnabbit!

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On the happier side of what's been going on, tomorrow is my wedding anniversary and we hope to celebrate it the 19th, which is the day she has off of work. I just hope she feels up to it.

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11/2/2020

My uncle has been having a hard time. He has internal bleeding and septic shock and has been in the hospital for several days. He could potentially die. My Step-Father has been having a hard time breathing. He might have to go to the hospital again soon.

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11/3/2020

My step-father had to go to the emergency room today. He is on the kidney and liver donor list now so that's a good thing. We now have to wait until he gets a new kidney and liver before he will get on the mend. I think he is strong but this has to be depressing for him to go from getting out everyday and living to being an ace from death for the past few months. He was 300 lbs. but is now 165 lbs. I fear I may lose him but anything could happen right now.

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My uncle was released from the ICU and the hospital too...not because he is doing better but because his health insurance will not cover him any further. On his way home, he had to stope at another hospital's E.R. just because he couldn't breathe. They sent him home with oxygen. He is home with his spleen removed because it was so mushy. They were going to remove part of his pancreas, I think, but it was too inflamed and infected to do so.

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My mom had to go to Urgent Care because she couldn't breathe...she had side pleurisy and sent home but the X-ray said she had either a shadow or spot on her rib. Now she has to go for a CT scan to see if it is potentially cancerous.

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I have been so stressed out that I have gotten my days and nights mixed up and can NOT get them straightened back out. In my down time, I have been researching, doing art, listening to music, talking to my mom, and binge watching old YouTube videos along new ones such as AH's Let's Play of Sky Factory 3, anything and everything from AH, Markiplier, and Jacksepticeye. Going to watch some Pewdiepie sometime soon too. I need to do this to keep sane. Their channels aren't the only ones I've been watching.

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I'm also stuck with my cousins who were like my sisters growing up not wanting to talk to me for something I said when the psychiatrist gave me antidepressants and antipsychotics to counteract the antidepressants side-affects. This is why I never want to take psycho drugs again...I don't do well with them. I don't even know what I said that made them so mad at me. I miss them and love them but I am not going to bother them. I am so tired of hurting people due to a misunderstanding(s). I hope I can make up with them one day but I'm not holding my breath. They won't even tell me what I did that made them so mad.

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My mother-in-law is still mad and will not let me come home, not that I want to go back there anyway due to the way she has treated me and my family. My wife has to buy her stuff just to keep peace even though she wants to save her money to buy a house. Self-centered people like my mother-in-law is why I don't think I will ever trust people again. I am constantly worrying about my wife and son there in that hell they must call home.

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Also, Covid-19 is hitting around this area pretty bad lately. It is now a hot zone and I am in constant fear for everyone around here now.  Not to mention the 3 deaths that has been in my family lately as well.

 

The dead are killing me while the living are torturing me.

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11/4/2020

I awoke at like 7 pm and don't even want to go out to check on things out of fear of hearing about two deaths. Good news is I think my step-father made it home from the hospital today so one less death to worry about for now but stress is running high. So high, in fact, I had considered going to the psych ward a few days ago for help with my stress, depression, and even keep me from considering suicide. I'm feeling better now, for now, but I know I'm in a bad spot. I love these people a lot and there's not enough prayer or help being offered right now.

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11/15/2020

Yesterday I became ill. I was so bad off that I had a hard time just getting out of bed. My throat was sore, my tonsils were swollen, I had a fever, and I was weak. I was afraid that Corona Virus had me in its icy grasp. After waiting and thinking, I figured that it was just my allergies, tonsillitis, and strep throat. I don't get sick very often but when I do, I guess I do. lol

I do have some bad news. One of my friend's mother-in-law had to have Hospice come out to take care of her. For those who don't know, Hospice is a group that comes out and takes care of people during their last days on earth. For those who are dying, Hospice helps families and the dying out. Dying is never easy for anyone.

Another bit of good news is that my uncle who was suffering from septic shock had his spleen removed. He couldn't have that part of his pancreas taken out because of how bad of it was. His insurance ran out and they sent him home but is doing somewhat better. He is on the mend.

My step-father on the other hand needs a new liver and kidney and is on the transplant list. During a procedure, they discovered an elevation in a type of protein that sometimes denotes the presence of cancer. They later said that it is possible it isn't. They then said a little later that they found polyps that had cancer cells in them. I'm hoping I didn't hear that right. I only heard a bit through a wall and don't really want to add stress to myself by confirming that he really has cancer on top of the issues he has with his organs. I really want him to heal up so my son can spend time with his only living grandfather.

My step-father said I can use his land to put a trailer on so I can end the "Homeless" chapter of my life but I'm more concerned with him getting better. I am staying here with him and my mom to help them and they helped me with a place to live. I'm still working on getting a home but that is so hard to do right now. So much is happening and there's been 3 deaths in the family and close friends of the family since this has happened...funny enough, none has been from COVID.

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I plan to convert this "blog" into a proper blog when I can.